Going back to school?
Our back to school sale has ended but you can still get Windscribe for $69 USD/year!
Every September, you send your children to school to get an education (unless you live in a place where school starts in August - barf) so that they can grow up to contribute to the betterment of humanity. They could end up as doctors! Or astronauts on Mars! Or dodgeball teachers at a reform school somewhere in Cleveland! The last one isn’t even bad, in fact, it’s a prerequisite for becoming the Prime Minister of Canada! So what if we Canadians now have to wait 14 years to get appendectomies… at least it’s free, right? RIGHT?! But there are other great reasons to send your kids to school… like restoring your ability to get kicked out of an Applebees for drunkenly fighting the cake display. Without your children seeing. This time.
Just look at what our education got us… more than 60 million users and the ability to write insane emails that only offend 0.32% of them. Not bad for a 4th grade education! Just kidding, we went to university! Aaaand that makes this sadder than Joe Biden being stuck in a room where he can’t sniff anyone’s hair.
Anyways, enough about us and our questionable decisions – let’s get to you and your great decisions. Buying Windscribe Pro for your kids makes a smart back to school gift - it gives them the ability to block distractions like ads; protect their computers from trackers, phishing and malware; speed up their internet connections, and access hometown content. To make your decision even simpler, we created a brief Good Parent/Bad Parent guide for you to reference below:
Good Parents: get their children Windscribe Pro for $69/year so that they can focus on researching and studying, safely and without malware destroying their expensive laptops (that you have to pay for).
Bad Parents: secretly feed their kids beans for breakfast before their first day of school so that their children get nicknames like "School Pooter” and "F’artagnan” (yes that’s a Three Musketeers joke, #dumas4life - see mom? That literature degree finally paid off).
But remember folks, Windscribe isn’t just for students - it’s also great for you parents who want to make sure your kids never find out you googled "cheapest boarding schools in Bulgaria” last week after they called you "older than Moses” for using the term "pwn” in a sentence. Those insolent lil’ pipsqueeks!
With love,
Team Windscribe
